My Financial Journey Into the Depths of Hell

I just broke down on a poor lady in India, who happened to answer my credit card call. It has taken me awhile to get to the point that I could even talk to these people. Call after call on my phone, and messages from collectors. I needed to talk to them, but avoidance has been easier. Like sticking my head in the sand. Maybe the troubles will go away? I read somewhere that women, especially, experience “money blindness” when things go awry. We just stop looking at our finances and hope they’ll miraculously improve. I pushed it until I finally had no choice but to confront.

I first called my Bank of America card. (I have two which are very delinquent.) The tough lady on the other end asked pointed questions about what has happened that caused me to get behind on my payments. She did listen, but she offered nothing reassuring or helpful. I asked her for advice and information, and she basically just gave me the truth of how far in debt I was, what I needed to pay, and the consequences if I was unable to meet those. She mentioned the dates that I’d be reported again — another mark on my credit report. I hung up with no better understanding or ideas for solutions. I considered calling my other card, but didn’t see any use.

And then I started looking at my credit reports again, and the few 30 day marks I’ve had on it since my beginning credit history 29 years ago. There were only 2 before this period of my life. They were 30 day marks and they did drop my score. I started worrying if my credit score was just destined to continue to drop…and it may. But I should have still been counseled to close the cards! This would reduce the calls, and at least there could have been advice on setting up payments. She was just a bully, trying to get money out of an empty pocket!

I finally called my 2nd card, and got a very nice lady with an middle eastern accent. She had such a commiserating tone. When I said I wanted to close my card, she expressed empathy and said she was sorry if I was going through hardship. I started crying! How embarrassing is that? I couldn’t answer her questions for a moment, and she started talking a bit faster to keep me from hanging up. She said she was so sorry I was going through this hard time, that it must be hard to be trying to solve this puzzle while working constantly, and still trying to keep up with daily expenses. While I tried to contain myself, apologizing and saying it was just because she was reacting so kind, she wished me a prosperous and improved 2019. God. I love that woman. I wish I could hug her.

One thing I’m discovering as I go through this — there is so much shame, so much taboo, that it makes it impossible to find help, understanding or advice. I need real advice. I should have been told to close my cards immediately as soon as I’d realized I wouldn’t be able to make the payments. I asked the first lady I called, if she had ever heard whether a creditor would be willing to remove a credit report mark if the entire amount was paid off, and she told me a flat “no”. I’ll choose not to believe her. There has to be hope, rather than waiting 7 years to age out.

Okay. On to the next step. I will continue to increase my income, think wealth growth, management and expansion of ideas and opportunities. I’m still in this game. I will overcome this. My credit score is now poor, so it already took the hit…but I won’t let this defeat me.